Most Influential

3.29.2016

Why I like cats more than people

Now, I've attended a few funerals, wakes, memorials, etc but today would have been a perfect study in contrasts. I attended a memorial service with a friend whose husband recently passed away. Though I was only there as support, since I had never met her husband, I was prepared for the worst from the warnings I had received from my friend. I was hoping to find that she had been blowing her family's “problems” out of proportion and that I would find out they were actually genuinely nice people. I should not have been shocked to find that she was completely justified in everything she had told me. Her family did not hide their animosity toward her, they blatantly showed their rude and disrespectful natures to myself and the two sisters also attending for support. The memorial service itself was tacky and overdone. The “eulogies” given by the deceased's children were a combination of blatant lies and overacting. It was a travesty and a disgraceful excuse for a memorial. After the service my friend's children bullied and further disrespected her by demanding their father's ashes and the memorial book.
I feel so outraged and emotionally drained from attending a service for a man I never knew. All the services I have attended were usually respectful affairs, loving and supportive family members surrounding the immediate family. Normally love is felt in every corner of the room, the mourners are respected, it is understood to be a time for mutual grieving and healing. Funerals are not meant as a way to “show off” or “belittle” your family. Today I was reminded of how different some families interact and how grateful I am to have a loving family. We are not perfect, but we LOVE each other. We tease each other, but we are not hateful or purposefully cruel. We may disappoint each other or get mad at each other, but in the end we always forgive and keep loving. I don't know what I would do without my family and would not trade them for any other family.
I grieve for my friend, not just for her loss of her spouse, but for her unfair and disgusting treatment by her so called “family”. Her trials serve to remind us to be forgiving even when the world or our family is being unreasonable. No matter what her family tries to do to her she always manages to get through it. Her silence is admirable. She has been bullied and beaten by these children of hers. Still, she attended a memorial service she knew she was not welcome at despite it being held for her own spouse. I hope to never have to deal with the heartache her children have caused her. I will strive to raise my daughter in a loving environment. I hope to give her as much love as she is willing to receive, and someday maybe we can be friends as my mother is my friend.
~Beverly

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